No take backs God...

I feel like I am on overdrive! ~Oil needed to be changed 3000 miles ago and I needed gas 50 miles ago~ I am going to come to a complete STOP soon and it is not going to be pretty~ I have the tools I need ... I am having a hard time finding them! I find myself being moody and upset and irrational.... even though in reality, there is NOTHING majorly wrong! My gram died and we still did not bury her ~ so there is no closure yet~ There will be soon, but just not yet~ I am jobless on August 1 ~ a business I created ~ it was my baby and now, it is over I have been applying like crazy I have faith that what will happen will be exactly as it is supposed to happen I can't stop dwelling on what ifs... I am praying and asking God to please take over... when in the same breath I am trying to take it back from him I can't relax... If I don't get a job soon, all will be just fine ~ my main concern is how others will look at me Everyone around me works so hard... and then there is me... "you should have gotten your teaching certificate" is what so many of my family tells me I went to school to be a teacher, and then decided that it was not for me So here I am with a 4 year degree in General Studies Things around here are not done the way they are everywhere else You need to go, in person and apply ~ a well written resume does not matter A degree doesn't matter 2 international awards don't matter Civic organization affiliations don't matter What does matter is ... who you know that can get you the job and who could "put the word in for you"! I want a job on my own merit ~ I want my future employer to look at my credentials, interview and hire me because I am the best person for the job and not because I know someone! I am blessed though ~ my husband is not worried, he has faith that I will get a job and in the meantime thinks it is cool I will be home I picked up this book

at the library for a buck the other day ~ been reading it~ It is almost as if it was written for me Job loss ~ infertility ~ feelings of inadequacy ~ worrying about what other people think ~ unanswered prayers Oh and a great deal of faith! I am not one to really talk about faith and a lot that is in this book is a huge dose of what I need to read and need to do! I was actually feeling better BEFORE I read this book...imagine that!!! It is stirring up in me so many feelings and emotions right now ~ things that I have hidden deep and things I never wanted to admit! I swear God put this book on the clearance table for me the other day~ he does know I would never pay full price LOL! I know I will get through all of this okay and really it will not matter one bit in 10 years~ I need to remember that and trust God I need to let go ~ My favorite poem is this: Broken Dreams As children bring their broken toys With tears for us to mend, I brought my broken dreams to God Because He was my friend. But then instead of leaving Him In peace to work alone, I hung around and tried to help With ways that were my own. At last I snatched them back and cried, "How could you be so slow" "My child," He said, "What could I do? You never did let go." Robert J. Burdette I am going now to give God my toys ... no take backs~ EDIT: I finished the book in in tears as a complete basket case! I feel refreshed and I feel new~ I moved my book mark to the front of the book... now, I will read it and comprehend it! It has been a tough few weeks~ I will be okay, with the Grace of God!