Feeling JOY again...

I don't blame anyone for hardening me.

I am stronger now than I ever was

I was married in 1999 to the love of my life.

When I met him I began to feel. I began to express how I felt. 

We had some tough situations happen to us in 10 years ... we made it through each one stronger!

But I became hard again.

Build a wall with brick and mortar and nothing will hurt

I often felt alone again in my feelings... like I did as a kid.

I very rarely expressed any real emotions!

Despite my hardened being... life went on and  we finally both felt like things were falling into place

~ buying a home ~ adopting a baby!

Finally life would be perfect!

We signed the mortgage on our home on October 9th and on October 15th my husband walked through the door of our new home crying because after 12 years, he lost his job to a foreign contract!

I held him and we both cried and then I said we would be okay.

God will provide

Deep down I know this to be true

On the surface though I wonder sometimes and then I pray AGAIN and ask God to handle it his way.

I ended up getting a job that although very temporary, it brings me joy!

JOY!

I am not sure when or how or why the shift even took place but I am glad it did.
I find myself laughing and crying and smiling and feeling


I realize that this life is temporary  and when God closes a door he opens a window and sometimes He pushes you out and lets you fly!