in my free time

Recently a few things have taken place in our life that have made me question


WHY?

I will not bore you with all the details, we all have our own issues

I will tell you that what happened caused me to question, to cry, to scream, to beg, to get angry, to vow to get even, to cry again, to get depressed and more

FINALLY when I was at my literal breaking point,

I threw it up to God

I gave him everything

and told him He was in charge

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Actually it was the second time I did this, it was the second time that I surrendered and gave it ALL to God!

The first time I did this was when after 7 years of not being able to conceive a baby I gave the whole process up to God...

I remember it well

God, if you want me to be a mommy then fine

if you don't want me to be a mommy then fine

You handle it because I can't!

and that was it...

I let it go

A few weeks went by and every time I got the nagging feeling I asked God to take it

And He did... and I woke up one morning praying and God spoke to me saying "call the adoption agency"

No, I am not crazy... because I learned that if you are quiet and listen closely, God speaks

Since that day I have not gotten an anxious feeling about being a mommy, sure I am beyond excited but I never ever ever doubt that I won't be one.

So just recently when I was at the point of breaking, I again tossed the situation up to God

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Life has gotten better and I have a suspicion that everything is going to be better than we have ever imagined

As I get older, my faith gets stronger

These two points in my life have been pivotal in shaping me into the person I am

I once was an anxious controlling person and now, I am calmer, more relaxed and full of joy

I have a long way to go, but I am getting there and I am enjoying the ride each day, bumps and all!

&

faith in God!